Priorities

How many times have you let your boyfriend dictate which movie you'll watch or allowed him to decided which restaurant you'll go to for dinner? If you always put others' needs ahead of your own, the message you're giving to them and yourself is, "My needs don't matter".

By choosing to sometimes prioritize what you want, others around you will begin to learn some self-reliance. Then you won't feel guilty about resenting the things you do for them because they will be actions of love and choice, not obligation.

Hire a maid or delegate jobs to you kids and your partner. Have toasted sandwiches or take-away every Friday night. Leave the kids with your husband and go away on a holiday with a girlfriend for the weekend.

Learn to say NO. Set the alarm for half-an-hour earlier and enjoy a good soak before you have to start getting ready for work. Buy an answering machine and when you're busy, screen your calls.

Seek sexual fulfilment

Sex is an enjoyable way to improve your self-esteem. Simply having a partner consider your needs important can remind you what a worthwhile, special, lovable person you are. But if you don't have much confidence, you'll probably find it difficult to ensure your sexual needs are being met.

Take a sensual trip around your own body. Start with a place that feels attractive, such as your neck or your arms. Close your eyes an touch it, noticing the differences between muscle, bone and fat. Try various movements, scratch, tickle. Concentrate on letting go of criticism and allow your body to give and receive affection."

Schedule love-making into your life, just like you would an important meeting. Tell your partner what feels good. A non-confrontational way to suggest a change in the routine is to provided your partner an alternative, such as "Instead of kissing my neck I'd like you to whisper loving words."
Ask your partner to bring yo to orgasm if he climaxes before you do.